New Music from my sweet Love Rod Schnabel

Rodney has done an amazing job with the composition of this new piece he just finished tonight. I realize nobody in my family likes myspace, so we are going to post it on my blog too for those in my family to enjoy. This new one is called "I Am Just Dust." It is a reminder that our living and being is in Jesus alone. At the base level, we are creations of dust and yet we are God's eternal enjoyment. We cannot live our lives in the shadow of someone else's judgments, whether that be from others around us or from the great Deceiver himself. Our full and complete being is found in a warm and loving relationship with our Creator...not in religion, religious institute, or any other man made structure of society. This song is an expression of worship to our God who so freely gives of His love to us. I wrote the original lyrics, but Rodney has, of course, worked his magic over them to make them into a beautiful song of worship.

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In Memory of Grandpa Bedford

He was a soldier in World War II - His favorite story was about the time he was on night watch during the war. He was sitting on top of a tank with his gun ready to fire at enemy target should they approach. One night a German Messerschmitt (fighter jet) flew over the base. The pilot flew lower and lower, until the plane flew so low that my grandpa was able to catch a glimpse of the pilot -- a woman, and they locked eyes for a split second. She had seen him. He knew that he was supposed to shoot her, and she knew she should shoot him. But he also knew that because the plane was flying so low that if he shot at it and hit it, it would explode and do all sorts of damage to the base. So he waited, knowing his life was in her hands. For a moment the plane seemed to hang mid air, and then the plane's guns began to fire...hitting a stretch across the ground that was empty and bare, before taking off out of sight. The pilot showed him mercy that night, and he never forgot it. He said that he had always wanted to meet that pilot and ask her why she had spared him that night.

He met my grandma (he always said it was her long legs that won him over) in the U.S. before he left for war. They were quickly married and he promised to return to her, which he did. My dad was born in '47 and they had two more children (my aunt and uncle). They lived in the same house in Canton, Ohio for almost 60 years or so (I could be a few years off, but I know my dad was a very young child when they moved there).

My dad was my grandpa's only child who had children, so my brother, sister, and I were his only grandchildren. He and Grandma doted on us. My childhood is stuffed full of happy memories of times spent at their house. Each room in their house holds specific memories that I will never forget. I love the kitchen where Grandma would burn the leftover ham from Thanksgiving dinner on the stove because she and Grandpa never learned how to use the "new fangled" microwave they owned. To this day, I have cravings for burnt ham. Even something as simple as the towel rack holds memories as it made this incredible screeching noise we liked to repeat over an over as it slid out from its hiding place beside the stove. I love the old organ where I used to sit for hours and play tuneless melodies, since I don't have a musical bone in my body. The fireplaces upstairs and down were also a favorite of mine, although the loud popping of the fire often scared me. The back yard holds lots of memories for me. I loved being barefoot in the lush grass that Grandpa took so much pride in. We liked to play volleyball over the clothesline. We laughed about Grandma and Grandpa's neighbors. On the one side, at one time, lived the mayor, and all his kids were very poorly behaved, according to Grandpa. And on the other side lived their dear friends the Bradshaws (who have since passed away). We always laughed because at night they had this horribly bright spotlight in their driveway that shined right in the bedroom window where we slept. It was as bright as daylight in there! Hard to sleep! How could I forget the laundry chute in the bathroom. One of the bathroom cabinets was actually a laundry chute to the basement laundry room. Boy the stories I could tell you.

It's funny how as you grow up, childhood memories can seem so simple in their happiness. As an adult, knowing my grandfather and grandmother from my dad and my mom's perspective, I realize that my grandparents weren't perfect, as I'd imagined they were when I was small. No, Grandpa had plenty of flaws, and there are times I wish I could have kept that idyllic view of him from childhood. But we all grow up and change, and realize that what was created for us in our childhood was only a small facet of reality. What I do know is this: my grandpa loved me very much. As an adult, my grandpa and I had a close bond. He was funny and witty (of course I got a double dose of witty and funny from my dad and mom's side of the family, as everyone knows) and always had a comeback for any wisecrack I made. His favorite advice to me, Grandpa put this way: "Well, I've been storing up lots of advice that I need to give you, but I can't think of it right now."

Whatever he was to everyone else, I can't speak of, but he was a wonderful grandfather to me. My grandpa passed away on August 11th, 2008, and I will miss him very much...

The Lonliness Birds are Circling; I'm going to get my Burka

I found my identity and comfort in my church for 3 years since I moved to Spokane and married Rodney. We stayed despite the "high turnover rate" in our church and some serious mistakes made by the pastor. We can forgive mistakes and would never leave the church just because we don't agree with every decision the pastor makes. When the leadership that we serve under and with is morally flawed and is not being dealt with, it's time to rethink our positions in the church and even our placement in that church. I've never understood what it means to be descriminated against. I was raised in a family where the partnership between my parents was always celebrated. Women are not supposed to be subservient, nor are they supposed to have no say in what goes on in their home, at church, or anywhere else. I used to laugh at the feminists and think, "the Bible says to be submissive to your husband, why can't they understand that?" What I didn't know is that I was extremely blessed to have a husband who loves and respects me and my opinion and who wants to be a team with me. For the first time in my life I've been unfairly discriminated against because I am a woman. I felt strongly that this was the time to leave the church where we had grown and struggled and loved all of our family life. We prayed, and I left the final decision up to my husband. Now that he feels peace about leaving, I feel suddenly bereft of the church who sustained us for so long. Without that church I would have been homeless and without child care when I finally found a job, without furniture, without friends, without a ministry. They helped in all these areas and much more. So why does God call us away when the church has been so positive in our lives. The fear of the unknown sometimes keeps us grasping and something small when God wants to give us something much bigger and better than what we could ever imagine. I know all of that in my mind, and yet the lonliness birds are laying their stone eggs in my heart. I ask for prayers.

I have a problem...

I Pick Your Nose

Julianne is repeating "I Pick Your NOSE" over and over. She gets chastised quite frequently for picking hers. I guess she feels justified in picking others'. Well, I just wanted to say hi to everyone. Ryan is coming next weekend and we are all excited to see "Munkey" Ryan (as Julianne says). So we heard from Rodney's dad today. he went to see the specialist in Dallas, and I guess they are going to monitor the tumor to see if it grows any. But I guess it is benign, so praise the Lord...he answers prayers...as we have seen over and over.

Burning the Midnight Oil

Ah it's after 2:00 am and tomorrow is a busy busy day. Why am I awake? one might ask. I don't know. I wasn't. I went to sleep for awhile. Then I guess Rod's bad dream woke me up. He was mumbling about something and I asked him if he was okay. He rolled over, with a seemingly alert expression on his face and mumbled something incoherent. I asked him "what?" and he said very clearly, "I'm just getting something," and then threw the covers over his head (that's odd)...and promptly fell back into a deep sleep. Then I started a coughing fit, so I thought I better get up and take some more allergy medicine. So I got my first grumblings of criticism from church people about some of the things in the bulletin...I only put in what I am told. I don't write anything special and unique. I mainly just pick out the cover picture and "design" the rest. My very Christian response was "well, I'm not getting paid to do this, and if someone has problems with it they can do it themselves." Now, of course I don't mind if someone lets me know that their name was spelled wrong or there was a mistake in information or something like that. Obviously, those things need to be fixed...but when you start grumbling about "I don't think this should go here and I don't like the way you put that there...blah blah" that's when I get irritated. Changing subjects: Julianne is an amazing little girl. I hate that I can't be home with her every day. She's always doing something new and cute. I think she has her daddy's tendency to talk in her sleep and whatnot. The other night at around 11:30 or so (long after she'd gone to sleep) we suddenly heard her laugh really really loudly. It was her cute laugh that she does when we are tickling her or something. That was the only thing we heard from her...she was asleep. It was sooo cute. Well, the boys are coming tomorrow. They are finally out of daycare and spending more time with their mom, which I think is a good thing. Taylor tells me every weekend now how he didn't have to go to daycare and he got to stay home with his mom. The happier he is at his mom's house makes him happier at our house. Mark and I have a pretty close bond...mostly because he thinks I'm really funny I think. He tells me that "the funniest one in the whole family." There's still an issue sometimes of what they should call me. They both still call me "Allyson" when they are trying to get my attention or when they are around their mom, but Mark, when he's talking about me in 3rd person always refers to me as "mom" or "mommy." He started referring to me as his mom to his friends at church. He says stuff like "My mom says I can't run around..." or whatever. I love it! Last year, he would launch into this long explanation about how I wasn't his real mom and that I was his stepmom and he had two moms...etc etc. He's progressed a lot. Another example of the third person "mom" reference is stuff like "I'm going to tickle mommy's feet!" and he'll come over to tickle me. On all the pictures he draws too he has me labeled as "mom." Taylor's not as easy to win over in that respect, although he is extremely lovey and loves to give hugs and kisses. He's a lot better at showing affection that way than Mark is. They are both so unique. I think I will make breakfast for dinner tomorrow night when they get here and have chocolate chip pancakes (using my beautiful new kitchenaid mixer, of course). Last time I made them, I turned around and everyone's face (including Rod's) was covered in chocolate and they all looked blissfully happy...this far off look in their eyes that can only be brought on by the taste of good chocolate (I've been buying the dark chocolate chips...they taste better somehow). Well, anyway, work is the same...still pointless and my boss is still insane. Funny, you might think I'm horrible for talking behind her back this way, but I'm really not. I've said all these things to her face. My motto is "I won't make fun of you behind your back for anything I haven't made fun of to your face." Oh yeah and it also looks like we might be getting our review writing gig back. Rod and Bob had another concert at Youth for Christ on Tuesday night. It was awesome. I'd never seen kids so intent on Bob's testimony and 8-10 kids got saved! It is amazing to see the work God's doing through Bob's "gospel rap" and Rod's beautiful voice. I'm glad to be a part of it, even though I am the designated picture-taker (which is scary in itself if some of you have seen my picture taking non-skills...I'm really good at bow-hunting though!) and otherwise just sit at the "merch" table. I love it though...the atmosphere at these concerts is always great. Well, I better go back to bed; I'm getting pretty sleepy. I hope you enjoyed my discombobulated ramblings. I love you all!

Lead Bread and Creationism

Well, I guess I need to blog a little more often. I've not really had a chance to be on the computer much at home. We upgraded our computer a little and Rod can play his games now...so needless to say I don't get on here too often. Although I am on a computer all day at work anyway...that's enough to dampen my desire to get on the computer when I get home. Even now, Mark is looking over my shoulder asking if he can play his Transformer computer game *sigh*...in a minute. Okay, so work is just kind of a bummer. I told my boss that her business is failing because of her. She did the usual "try to blame everyone else" game, but I wouldn't let her. I told her she wasn't focused and she said that we weren't focused...I told her we were as focused as our boss since we do what she tells us to do. Ah well, I know I didn't get through to her, but at least I let off some steam. I've been using my new mixer a lot (I got my red kitchenaid finally). It mixes up dough like a dream...except when the dough hook was on too low. Then I got lead bread because some metal chips got into the dough. I was very sad at the waste of ingredients. I fixed the problem though, so everything should be ok from here out. A few couples are leaving our church, all in secrecy or something. Nobody is saying why. The sad thing is...one couple is our small group leaders and the other couple were our really good friends. It's not fair. Everyone that becomes our friends seems to leave the church...we have a bad track record for sure. But we are pretty sure they didn't have a problem with us (not like Jessie and Leo for those of you who know that situation) but have some problem with the church that they aren't sharing. Our small group leaders have become our good friends and they have asked us to keep coming on Friday nights for group; their family situation is a lot like ours. We have been able to vent and encourage each other a lot in these last few months. The church is frowning on us continuing to be friends with them (I guess because they left the church on bad or no terms and they don't want us to be influenced by them). I told the pastor's wife that we would remain friends with them and that we were not easily influenced to leave a church just because someone else is. We strongly believe that you don't leave a church just because you don't necessarily agree with everything the pastor does or the church does. Everyone's advice when we talk about something we disagree with in the church is "well leave," but that's not the answer. Even Martin Luther knew that when he tried to change the Catholic Church. He tried to purify it from within and they kicked him out because of his "radical" ideas (like faith alone)...he didn't leave by choice. Changing subjects, after visiting the Creation Museum when we visited Mom and Dad's this winter, I am sooo pumped up about arguing for creation science. I've been laughed at and looked at like I'm a simple person who "just doesn't know a lot about science" because if I did of COURSE I would believe in evolution...WRONG. I get jazzed when I get to debate an evolutionist. Yesterday it was my boss. I love it when they bring up supposed "transformational" organisms whose fossils are found. Don't these scientist realize that thousands if not millions of species have died out since the flood, and some of them have yet to be discovered. Simple logic, if someone could get past the scientific jargon, tells us that the earth is not millions of years old and we didn't evolve from monkeys!! What I try to explain is that both sides of the debate are intelligent scientists...it's simply that each group begins from a different premise: Creationists from the Bible and Evolutionists from Darwin's Origin of Species. After several debates with an evolutionist I used to work with, I finally was able to get him to see that creation scientists were not ill-educated religious fanatics and if he didn't change his mind about evolution, he at least respected that creation is simply a different viewpoint, not what other call an "uneducated religious belief." My boss told me yesterday "science always comes first"...meaning before religion. I thought that was interesting since God created science...oh wait, then you'd have to believe in creation, dang.